Solitude and My Life...

Last weekend I was able to attend the Mission Year solitude retreat with our team.  I was looking forward to this time because I rarely have moments alone.  In my head I know that solitude is important for all people and that includes me and my somewhat extroverted self (hehe).  The problem is that I don't make time for it.  We have some really great things going on in life right now and I am excited about all those things so I just keep going.  I don't stop, I don't reflect.  Don't get me wrong...I am thinking ALL THE TIME!  Caleb and I have a joke that I am always thinking and processing and analyzing and dreaming about something.   He on the other hand can be still...both in body and in mind.  We also read The Way of the Heart this past month by Henry Nouwen.  He says the following:
"In order to understand the meaning of solitude, we must first unmask the way in which the idea of solitude has been distorted by our world.  We say to each other that we need some solitude in our lives.  What we are really thinking of, however, is a time and place for ourselves in which we are not bothered by other people, can think our own thoughts, express our own complaints, and do our own thing, whatever it may be.  For us, solitude most often means privacy."
I realized that this was very much my idea of what I wanted out of solitude...just moments alone.  He goes on to talk about solitude being vulnerability...a nakedness before God.  He says,
"In solitude I get rid of my scaffolding: No friends to talk with, no telephone calls to make, no meetings to attend, no music to entertain, no books to distract, just me-naked,vulnerable, weak, sinful, deprived, broken-nothing."
It hit me so clearly my need for this.  I desire quiet time with the Lord but most often this is done around something else...squeezed in among the business of life.  My heart longs to love the people around me.  I feel a burden to love and be loved.  I am filling my schedule not with things but with people.  Nouwen then draws us back to what he calls "The compassionate ministry."  Thomas Merton describes a group of monks who spent much time in isolation in the following way as he describes there quest not to drown in the sinking ship of their society:
"They knew they were helpless to do any good for otherse as long as they floundered about in the wreckage.  But once they got a foothold on solid ground, things were different.  Then they had not only the power but even the obligation to pull the whole world to safety after them." 
My mind was drawn to line...On Christ the solid rock I stand!  As much as I love to be engaged with friends, neighbors, family, co-workers, etc, I will drown without Jesus.  The people I love with drown without Jesus.  I want to know more of Him, I want to share more about Him, and I want to see Him more through those in my life.  Since I so easily forget the lessons God is teaching me and so easily start to flounder, I wanted to get these things written down...